Melissa: 0:00

If we are raising our children to be spiritually aware of themselves, their identity, and who they are, and the authority and the power that they walk in as heirs of Christ, right? Heirs of God, children of God, then we shouldn't be afraid that they're gonna be swayed to the dark side. You're not going to communicate very well, if you don't know your why, if you don't know your core values, if you don't know who you are, if you don't know your giftings, you're not going to be able to communicate yourself well, and you're going to constantly be misunderstood, which was a lot of my problem. Seeds for your marriage.

Trisha: 0:38

Welcome to Seeds for Your Marriage. I'm Trisha Walker and I have here, Melissa Lapin. She actually is an amazing friend of mine that we have known since probably 2011. She is an incredible artist, jewelry maker, podcaster, like Jack of all trades, coach, writer, speaker. But one thing that I actually remember that we, I remember about her that really makes me smile is. Our trip to Cameroon. It was my very first, my very first missions trip and we shared a room. And so I really got a chance to get to know her and she's just been such a special person and a part of my life ever since. So welcome to my show.

Melissa: 1:20

Thank you. It's good to be here. It's so different to be on this side of the, the interview process of like, Oh my gosh, what do I say? I'm a little bit nervous. Yeah, but it's exciting. It's really good to see, like, yeah, like you said, we've known each other since we started BSSM together in 2010 or 11 and. Then now to see where we are still, still doing it, man, still living who we are and chasing after the things that God has put in our hearts, even, , 13 years ago. And it's fun. It's fun to get to talk to people and give people opportunity to tell their stories and share what's on their heart because not everybody's made to be a public speaker, but that doesn't mean people don't have stories. Absolutely.

Trisha: 2:13

Stories are so powerful. I think we can pull from people's stories into our life. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So about your story, so you are married to Scott, which is an incredible husband, and then you have children as well. Can you tell me a little bit about you and your family?

Melissa: 2:30

Yeah Scott and I, we just celebrated 34 years of marriage. Our son will be 34 in a month. Do the math on that one. Her daughter just turned 32. They're about 18 months apart. We've lived most of that time here in metro Atlanta and yeah, ups and downs and all kinds of ins and outs. Even though we've had our moments, we are still very close as family. So we get to see our granddaughter. It's so good. It's so fun, especially for our granddaughter to be able to have a stable family life, , I mean, not throwing any shade on anybody else, but I mean, broken families are not uncommon, sadly, which I know, like, y'all's podcast is really trying to help prevent that by giving some insight in. Tools and tips for people to kind of work through their stuff.. Our daughter works for the post office, which is stupid, crazy scheduling. So we actually get our granddaughter during the school year, we get her every weekend. And all holidays, which is really great. So she's got her own room here at the house and hangs out with us. And we take her on trips with us and we go camping with her. And then during the summertime, she's, she gets a couple a couple of weeks with her other grandparents, but then for the most part, she's with us. So that, that makes a big difference in her life. And just our daughter knowing that she can count on us to, to be there. Yeah,

Trisha: 4:03

Yeah. I just remember my grandparents were key in my, in my life and I think there's a lot that I learned growing up from them that I think , just really carries even into me as an adult. So. Yeah,

Melissa: 4:16

well, especially now, because of technology, there is such a generation gap, huge, huge generation gap, between older Gen Xers and Boomers and 10 year olds. Massive. And so, for me, helping her to understand that the human in front of her is more important than the screen in her hand. just little things like that. It's like, Ooh, yeah, I don't care what's happening on that phone. That is never, ever, ever more important than the human being in front of you. And so teaching her those kind of values and I'm not demonizing the phone or the internet or anything like that, but understanding there's a place for everything and the humans always take precedent over technology and over those kinds of things.

Trisha: 5:09

So, absolutely. Yeah, it's so good. And instilling that in her early, that's so powerful. I, I just know that we have to be intentional because sometimes. Yes. Even going to dinner with my husband, like, sometimes we'll be like, okay, we're at dinner now, let's put our phones aside and just focus on each other and we started having little, like, cue words, like, we just say something, we know, okay, it's, you're on your phone, it's time to get off.

Melissa: 5:36

So when we sit down for dinner, sometimes like we'll play a game, , he has a phone and we're sitting there playing a game on the phone and stuff like that. So again, not villainizing it, but understanding that, that That the human in front of you takes press. I don't care if they're a cashier or a wait staff, they need to take precedent over whatever is happening on that phone.

Trisha: 5:57

So you were a parent of homeschooled children.

Melissa: 6:02

Ha! I was basically a single parent of homeschooled children. Yeah, cause our at that time, Scott traveled. He traveled like 300 days a year. Up until God until cobit, actually, until 2019 when he stopped, he's had slowed down a little bit, but not much. So, during when the kids were in school we kind of went back and forth between

Trisha: 6:29

public schooling coops. And

Melissa: 6:32

homeschooling, trying to figure out what would work best for us, and really none of it worked. So, , I don't know how advocates for homeschooling are going to feel about that, , but I think it also will let someone who feels pressure to homeschool off the hook., if you don't want to, don't. It was It was a bittersweet time for us, and it really man, it's not, it's not a happy story. It's not the perfect story. And just being honest, because that's who I am. It was a nightmare. Homeschooling was an absolute nightmare for us. I was not called by God to homeschool. The reason that I homeschooled was that we moved here in 95, so kindergarten on. We went to this church and we were told it's this religious thing. If you really loved your kids, you wouldn't let them go to public school and all that kind of stuff. So I bought into that lie. I bought into that absolute wretched lie. And like, Our, my son and I, we still don't have a good relationship because of that season where

Trisha: 7:40

we

Melissa: 7:41

living this perfect Christian family where we went to church and we homeschooled our kids and all that kind of stuff. And it was not pretty. It was not pretty. But I didn't want my kids to succumb to the ways of the world and be drug astray by the darkness out there kind of thing and and all the things that we're told and so it was bittersweet. We had a lot of fun because. The fact that Scott did travel, we could go wherever he was. So we took a lot of field trips. We were, we were homeschoolers, man. My mom lives outside of Daytona, the weeks that we spend out in Florida at her house, Grab your school books, kids. It's summertime. We're going to Florida or hey, dad's in Texas. You guys want to go to Texas? Yeah, let's go to Texas. So we'd go to Texas and hang out with Scott in Texas or wherever he was, which was cool because the kids got to have a lot of Different cultural experiences in different parts of the country. They've traveled all over the U. S. and stuff like that. But relationally, I would say if you are not called by God himself to homeschool, you should probably not. That's

Trisha: 8:58

some good advice there.

Melissa: 8:59

It is but see, here's the thing. If we're supposed to be the salt and the light. Right? And so if we are raising our children to be spiritually aware of themselves, their identity, and who they are, and the authority and the power that they walk in as heirs of Christ, right? Heirs of God, children of God, then we shouldn't be afraid that they're gonna be swayed to the dark side. they're the ones that should be going into the school systems and changing the school systems. But see, I wasn't taught that then. I was taught the fear, , the devil's going to get on you., the darkness is going to get on you. But now you do your best as you can as a parent and you trust God that that child, no matter what their age fullness of who they are and be the light that their friend needs.

Trisha: 9:58

I like what you're saying just around identity and Knowing the season that you're in And what is God calling you to as a parent? And if it's homeschool the great if it's not if it's something else great, but Really finding that because that's the most important thing because that's where you're going to find grace That's where you're going to find your peace And yeah, that's, we've, we've had to move around a lot as well, as , and we've lived all over the country, we've lived overseas. So yeah, like all three of our kids have homeschooled, they've been in Christian school, they've been in private non Christian school, they've been in public school. So, and it's all because of just the different seasons that we're in and. What, , what God was saying and what they each needed individually. I would say there's not a recipe for how your children should be schooled.

Melissa: 10:54

No, and I know families that they have multiple children, like five and six children, and three or four of them go to public school and two or three of them stay home. And that is, that's the beauty of homeschooling, but I would encourage listeners don't ever make that about religion. Don't ever make that about the pressure of the church telling you this or that. I mean, the buck stops with you as a parent. You have to understand your child.

Trisha: 11:26

Well, and, and that goes into just the journey that we are on in life. And so I know you've been on a journey, even since we met over a little over 10 years ago and, I know you're a coach and you really help people find their purpose. And can you tell me a little bit about your journey and how you've come to where you are today?

Melissa: 11:50

Really, it actually did start back when we were at Bethel. And it was at the end of second year and the thing that I took away from second year was that I wasn't wrong, that I'm not wrong because Understanding who I am, even back then taking, , the DISP test, and the Myers Briggs, and we did The strength finders, like all these tests, like, and then now in the last, what, four or five years or so, the Enneagram has become popular and anybody listening. No, it is not up the double. It's just another personality test. Okay. Yeah. But taking these tests and understanding the journey. And finding ourselves can be so simple and so complex all at the same time, right? Because for me, taking these tests and understanding, oh, okay, yes, I thrive on this, and I thrive on this, but I'm also triggered by this. And then understanding, okay, why is that? That's when the deep dive comes in. And a lot of times we get off track because we, we are trying to fit into someone else's armor, right? People say things, we take on that identity. For example, I grew up in a household with a bipolar father, undiagnosed because,, this is who diagnosed anything in the 70s. We were all just living life. Right. But he was undiagnosed bipolar. So I was always walking out to eggshells. I was always getting in trouble. So my soundtrack, I'm always wrong. I can never do anything right. I can never do anything right. I could never say anything right. I can never be anything. It doesn't matter what I do. I'm behind the eight ball. I became a Christian when I was 18. Which is when I said the prayer. Okay. I met Jesus when I was 40. So I had my whole pre Jesus journey of all of the crazy that was my upbringing. Then from 20 to 40, doing the best I could, whatever church we were at, trying to get into the homeschool community, hanging out with these moms, and Bible studies, and book studies. Beth Moore and Joyce Meyer and, , it's like, somebody just tell me how to fix me, right? Which I think is what we do. We, we a lot of times spend way too much energy grasping at straws, right? And so, When I started going to Bethel, and I know I'm using Bethel a lot, but that's just the grid that I had at that point, and understanding God's grace that I'm not wrong. I was not made wrong. Did I have a lot of maturing to do? Abso freaking lutely, but I'm not wrong. The fact that I am outspoken is not wrong. The fact that I am extremely powerful in my personality is not wrong. That doesn't make me a Jezebel. That doesn't make me rebellious. That doesn't make me all of these labels that I, I spent my entire life rebelling against because I knew they weren't me. Okay. And so understanding finding is like, okay, I'm not wrong, who am I going forward? What do I need to look like to the rest of the world? And I'm not talking about putting on a mask or anything like that. It's like, okay. Boundaries, how do I want to present myself? All of these things that allow us to play well with others, if you will. I mean, that's how I've always looked at it because when you understand the, all the personalities, , whether it's the disc or the, , just all the little tests that we take and understanding, we learn how to play well with other people. We learn other people and we learn ourselves and so that really helped me a lot and that's a lot of what I use in the coaching that I do is understanding because if I don't understand me, how can I expect you to treat me a certain way? If I'm constantly offending you, okay, what part is your brokenness that you need to own and then what part of me Do I need to change that I'm not, , because you're,, there's one thing where iron sharpens iron and then there's the other part where stuff is just breaking against each other. It's two completely different dynamics. And, and so for me, that journey just began with, with just, okay, the beacon of hope and the truth that I have is that I am not wrong. That I am not alone, I've never been alone, and God has a good plan for me. What does that look like? And then, the hardest part of that coming into play of, okay, God, who do I need in my life that can help me be that person? Because not everybody is for everybody.

Trisha: 17:31

Yeah. Understanding ourselves to know how to show up in the relationship, how to have those boundaries, like, how can what your boundaries are and how to navigate boundaries with different people in your life if you don't understand who you are?

Melissa: 17:50

Exactly. Exactly. Because if you, if you're constantly getting triggered by things, you gotta stop at some point and go, why? Exactly. Not just like, Oh, I can't be around that person. I hate that person. Da, da, da, da, da. Okay. Well, if you stop and look at all of these relationships that you can't be a part of, hello sister, you're the common denominator in those relationships. Right? And so looking at yourself going, okay, this person was like this. Oh, this person was also like that. Oh, they also, , and if you've got 12 people that have the exact same personality, chances are it's not them. It's you, and you've got to be humble enough to go, Okay, God, if I'm going to be honest with myself, and I want to be the best me that I can be, which would be the most honoring to you, what is it about this type of personality to you? That triggers me. And then why does it trigger me? Where in my past, was I hurt by that person? Did that person do something wrong to me? Did they say, are they like my dad? Are they like my mom? Are they like my first grade teacher who told me I was an idiot?, whatever it is. To be able to identify that, but that only comes through humility and just sitting at the feet of Jesus and going, okay, what, I know I'm a new creation, but what does that look like because I have these worldly experiences that have tainted who I am, , it's not that we have a sin nature because I don't believe that that's nowhere in scripture. We're not created wrong. We are created perfect. Because Jesus was slain before the beginning of time. So I am perfect. I just got to figure out what that looks like and align my process, my thoughts with that. But I can't do that unless I'm humble enough

Trisha: 19:58

to sit and go, okay, Jesus teach me. I think for some people, I mean, especially maybe for women, they've never learned how to have boundaries, right? They've never learned that I am powerful, I'm a powerful person. And so sometimes I think that. They get in certain relationships where there's certain personalities and they don't know where the boundary line is and they keep like they try to have a boundary but they don't know how and then it kind of keeps moving back and back and back and to the point where they feel like they just explode because they've never been able to feel powerful in that relationship and it's kind of like the person just overstepped without realizing it, right?

Melissa: 20:44

And so then we have generations upon generations of powerless Identityless women most people you ask a woman's like, oh tell me about yourself. I'm a mom The first thing we say, I'm a mom., and you just start, they go off and start talking about their kids. No, I asked you about you. Tell me. Who are you?\ We have no identity outside of the role. And I've counseled so many women. Who, they're, the last kid graduates high school, and they're utterly lost. They have no identity whatsoever as a human being, separate from the rest. From parenting. Parenting is great. I'm not, , throwing shade on, on moms and housewives and all of that. But we are more than that,? And, and so it just, it hurts who have just resigned themselves to being nothing more than that. Not that everybody has to, , run out and have a podcast and, , Fortune 500 company and all that kind of stuff, but our identities have gotten askew very badly. And so having boundaries, it's easy to let people walk on you when you don't understand the foundation of who you are, your core values. I love doing core values with people. Why do you like that? There's a why behind every decision we make. There is, there's something that drives every decision, every reaction, everything about us is driven by a core value. And a lot of people don't know

Trisha: 22:29

their core values. Like you said, there's no shade on moms that are able to stay home and that's a core piece of who they are. I mean, being able to raise a little body and send them off into the world and be their own powerful person and being led by God and, and doing amazing things that he is doing through them. That's in the scriptures, right? Raising a child in the way that they should go. But I do agree that like, that's not the only thing, right? Yeah. If even if you're a pastor's wife, , the only thing is not being a pastor's wife, it's not, yeah, it, there's, there's, there's so much more as women that God wants to bring alive in us., so many things that he that he wants to speak over us and speak into our lives and so so many interests that maybe we've we've Let die a long time ago, right? And so it's I think there's it's just this journey of learning who who am I? And, and what does God, like who, who does he say I am beyond my role of a mom or my baron, my role of a pastor's wife or whatever it is of, an owner of a business or whatever it is, like there's, there's more, there's something that's at a core of who we are that really helps us feel like we have a purpose, like, like allows us, allows that purpose to come alive in us, allows us to, to be alive in who we are.

Melissa: 24:06

Yeah, the thing I'm hearing is even more so just understanding we, we need to have permission, , because there are a lot of women who I've talked to and I've counseled who they're artists. They're authors, they sit and journal and they write these beautiful things poetry. But somehow, somewhere, those things have become less than, , or taboo or, oh, that's just a cute hobby you have. And they need, for whatever reason, need permission to go, that's awesome, I give you permission to make something out of that., and to give their self permission, like, I give myself permission to be more than just a mom. I give myself permission to be more than just a wife, or just a, just a, just a, whatever, just, I hate that word, just, because it's used, it's so, to me, it's so belittling., well, yeah, it was just a 5k Further than I can run, , just anything, , I'm just a housewife. I'm just a stay at home mom No, stop it those are very noble things to be and also on the flip side of the coin is the women and men who haven't had children, whether by choice or medical reasons. They are absolutely just as valid human beings as those who have been able to reproduce. Now we have these categories of good and bad, lesser and all of these things, and we've just got to stop it., everyone has the right to just. Be and do or not be and not do. Mm hmm. And, and just having the boundaries of with people really with yourself. It really comes down to yourself. What value do I have for myself? Because sadly we will say things about ourselves and to ourselves that we would never say to another human being., like you wouldn't walk up to somebody and call them, Oh my God, you're so fat. And yet us as women, we stand in the mirror and go, Oh my God, I'm so fat. These clothes. Oh my., all the things, all the things that we say, trust us, I'm stupid, I'm fat, I'm this, I'm that. But you would never let anyone say that to you and you wouldn't say it to someone else. Somebody out there needed to hear that. Stop it.

Trisha: 27:04

Yeah, absolutely. Well, and it's loving ourselves enough to have the permission to go after our dreams to go after the things that we feel like God is is leading us into. Yeah, right. Not getting permission from anybody else, but him. And to love ourselves enough to celebrate ourselves. I think that's so important. Celebrating ourselves and allowing our father in heaven to celebrate who we are. Oh, but we can't do that. That's prideful.

Melissa: 27:33

When you think of yourself, that's pride. You can't do that. I call BS. I don't know. It's your podcast. I don't know if I can cuss, but I call BS on it, , and we do that. We don't know how to celebrate. We don't know how to communicate our true feelings. There, there's so much that we need to learn and go back to the basics of just raw communication and reading through some of the pre questions that you sent and going back to the marriage and stuff and being, being married for 34 years and Scott traveling, like 90 percent of that for the longest time, he either worked third shift and was never available cause he was either gone or sleeping. Or he was out of the home, out of the state, did a lot of work in California and Texas and stuff like that. And so he was gone, gone. And so when he would call, we had to learn very quickly how to communicate properly because you can't see face. You can't see facial expressions. So if there's a slight little bit of tone, it's like, why you say it that way? What do you mean? Why am I saying that? It doesn't matter if you're inside the home, outside the home, married, or single, communication is key. And you're not going to communicate very well, if you don't know your why, if you don't know your core values, if you don't know who you are, if you don't know your giftings, you're not going to be able to communicate yourself well, and you're going to constantly be misunderstood, which was a lot of my problem. And so Scott and I learning even after the kids, because that's a whole nother coin all in itself is after your kids are gone, how do you communicate his husband and wife? Because when you think about it, when you've got kids, what 90 percent of your conversations are about the kids. Right., clothes, soccer, food, piano practice, school, , they've outgrown their clothes, like all the things. And then money. Finance, kids and finances is all you talk about when you're a married couple, right? We all know it's true. And then when you get done with the kids and they're gone, you get to learn how to communicate and do the things post. Children knowing our identities and knowing how, okay, what feeds him. And because we're, we're polar opposites in a lot of ways, but then we are very much alike in some other ways. And, but we don't know that until we are humble enough to. figure ourselves out, quit worrying about what everybody else is doing, and start some introspection. Man, God is so good. If we would all just stop and take a breather and say Okay, God, can you show me the goodness in this person that you've put with me? Whether you're married or not, it doesn't have to be marriage. It's like your friends, cause we are all facets of God. Like you, Tricia Walker are. A facet of God that I get to see because he works differently through you I'm different. You get to see God through me and like how God embodies me and or I embody God, whatever.

Trisha: 30:50

And I think knowing ourselves, like Is so knowing ourselves is so powerful because yeah, so many times we can tell ourselves or whoever it is what we don't want But learning how to search inside ourselves to actually express what we do want Really helps turn massive. It's massive Massive understands. Okay, you can I'm communicating to me what you want And now I can help you get what you want But if all you're saying is you don't want then I don't know what it has to do

Melissa: 31:22

with that. I learned a long time ago that really gave me peace and really, really helped me with boundaries, which I impart it to everyone when I'm coaching and everything is what's my responsibility in this moment. Like, in this conversation, what is my responsibility? And that is a personal ownership of me listening to Holy Spirit going, okay, Holy Spirit, what is it that this person standing in front of me needs right now? Do I just shut up and listen?, because we all know the adage, , we listen to respond, not to hear because we do that. What is my responsibility right now? And that's helped me a lot to navigate a lot of relationships, especially with my husband, and he's actually really gotten a lot better about talking and communicating and sharing and stuff like that because he's done a lot of heart healing over the last couple years, like four years, and it's been really good. But now he like shares something with me, and I'm like, oh, and I get really excited and I have all this information and a book to read and a class to take and , this stuff and Holy Spirit's like, shut your mouth.? And so I'm like, I sit there and I'm like, that's, that's nice, honey., I'm not condescending, what I'm saying? But I'm like sitting on my hands and tape across my mouth and I'm just like, Oh, he's sharing and, and so, but doing that, okay, Holy Spirit, what does he need me to be right now?? And then just being okay with not saying anything. Place where it's like, what? Just needed to share that with you. You do not need to respond. Okay, , but I want to, I want to respond so bad.

Trisha: 33:16

Those are two really key questions to ask ourselves really in any relationship regardless if it's a marriage or not, or any relationship, just what is my responsibility right now, Lord? Yeah, I personally have been over responsible for people. Oh, yeah I've seen exactly what they needed and then I've tried to do everything for them and it's like I've had to learn no That's not yeah, your responsibility was just to be an encourager or your responsibility was to just Just be there and listen, like, you weren't supposed to take the reins from them and like, take, try to drag them five miles,? Melissa: Right, because then we end we've just made the problem worse., I mean, it's just in us to love people and go, okay, what, sweetheart, take my hand, let's get out of the mud, ? And because we do, we love people and we see, we see what God wants to do in their lives and we see the value of who they are. But then to be able just to, just to, Like spectate, it's so hard. It's so hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I just want to fix it I just want to fix it like my heart hurts for you here do these 12 things your life would be great Absolutely Yeah, and and and then the second question you you had is Holy Spirit, what do you want me to be for this person right now? Yeah, yeah. I think that's, that's really key because in any moment, , he could just want you to be a friend. He could want you to be Maybe someone who is a little bit more challenging like you're really challenging them in their their views or whatever it is, but It could be different for people and it could be different for the same person, but just different situations And so when we listen to him first in the different moments It helps us to really be able to I guess posture ourselves to the person in a way that really helps Well,

Melissa: 35:22

We become safe for them because when they see our vulnerability that we're just not trying to jump in and fix it or control it or manipulate it or just whatever, then our dynamic changes. Different things to different people., Paul talks about that being different. I don't know what the scripture is, but he talks about being different things to different people and he was talking to like being with the Romans or the Jews or, , whoever and just being what they needed and that's not being a chameleon or a Patsy and just being a yes man kind of thing. It's like, if I'm somewhere and I'm standing with somebody who is. Obviously drunk or whatever. Okay. Holy spirit. What do they need? They do not need me to preach at them about alcohol, They they might need a Money for an uber they might need me to take the keys from their hand They might need just to sit and listen to them because the alcohol has made them vulnerable. Yeah, we don't know But if we don't

Trisha: 36:27

ask we're never gonna know right? So yeah, that's so good Yeah, it's just being that vessel of god and allowing him to mold us and shape us and then move through us in those situations. Yeah, totally. Well we're in the last question and the question that I've been leading up to this whole time is about Community and community with your husband and I know that has been something that you've kind of shared a little bit on your journey Since you've been married But I know during kovat his job severely declined But it actually opened up an opportunity, I think, for the two of you to draw closer to one another and draw into community together and what that looked like for you in your your life at that time. And so just fast forward to today, like where are you today and what, what advice can you give in terms of really how to do community with your spouse and. And why is that? Why is it so important?

Melissa: 37:31

Man, it's, it's vital. And that's a really good question. It's a very loaded question. We might need like a part two to this podcast for me to unload all of that. But no, it was, it was kind of cool. God set us up for success. I want to say August ish, the fall of 2019, he owns his own business, but his major client that he traveled for, for like 18 years, they decided they were going to do stuff in house and they were basically squeezing him out. So he had already sort of kind of for the last couple months had stopped traveling and then COVID hit and then it was all doors closed, right? Which was fine. It worked out because he was not happy with them as a client anymore. And. God being the gracious God that he was, is took care of that. So Scott wouldn't have to confront because he is non confrontational but we were immediately stuck together. I mean, everybody was, nobody could go anywhere. Everything was locked down. But it was really funny. Because we started COVID off with a road trip, even though we were supposed to be in lockdown, he had a couple jobs that he had to finish one was in Richmond, Virginia, one was in Pennsylvania, and then one was in Chicago, and so nobody's flying, nobody wants to stay in hotels or whatever, and so he's like, hey, I gotta go do this, do you want to come with me and we'll take the camper and just make a trip out of it? So like, we're taking a vacation in the beginning of COVID, right? And that, I think, launched just a really cool season in the last four years for us. Because a, it just put us together. Like we are stuck together. It's not like, hey, when you leave and again, kind of thing, because that wasn't even in the conversation anymore. On the road trip. We would listen to audio books or teachings and stuff and had actual conversations about them. But then the beginning of 2021. January, February, we got connected with School of Kingdom, which is an online ministry school. And the founder is Deb Alexander, who is a phenomenal kingdom minded teacher. And he came to our church because the church that we were going to at the time decided we're COVID, which is fine. Doug came and spoke and something went off inside my husband. Like he was ignited, like the guys who walked with Jesus on the road to Damascus and they're like, did our hearts not burn within us? Right. And so he started having, he started wanting to talk about these things and I'm like I don't know who you are, but I love you even more. We've spent the last four years, we actually just graduated year three. But Scott has kind of been on the tech team doing the classes cause it's online school. So he's in charge of first year, whatever. So he's had first year like four times now because they have a spring and a summer. So he gets things doubled up and it has revolutionized. Our marriage and who he is and got rid of a lot of a lies and cause it's very, very kingdom based. And I just don't even want to go into all of that. Look it up. Anybody's listening. It's school of kingdom. Dub Alexander, Ryan Pena. They kind of co lead it. With Dr. Tony Robinson and Rod Williams is coming on board this year. And that has become our community. And it got us through COVID because we had this beautiful faith based online community that we were both participating in. Community is, by definition, is like mindedness. It's a group of people going after the same thing. It can be synonymous with a cult. We're not trying to start a cult, but But community of like mindedness. We don't all have to think the exact same things. We can agree to disagree Respectfully. Let's do life together. Let's work it out. Let's iron sharpen iron and And Scott and I have learned to do that in a healthy way

Trisha: 42:13

so how can people find out more about you?

Melissa: 42:16

I have a website, it's called afterthewell. org, that's where I can be found for that and then my jewelry side hustle is Missy Jane art and I have a website art

Trisha: 42:27

People have to check it out because I was, especially like, I love the bracelets, a lot of the bracelets that you've made. I'm like, wow, this is so unique and so pretty. Oh, the copper bangles. That would, that would be it. So good. Well, thank you so much, Melissa. And I'm just going to end the podcast now, but I just really appreciate you and just everything that you brought here and shared. It's going to be so helpful to those listening. So God bless you. Thanks

Melissa: 42:53

for having me. It's, it's very cool being on this side of the, the side of the podcast. Thank you for listening to Seeds for Your Marriage with hosts, Trisha and Thomas Walker. We pray this episode has given you tips and tools on how to thrive in your marriage. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Trisha and Thomas. We want to hear from you. Be sure to leave a review and let us know how we're doing. It's our desire that this podcast completely benefits you. So also let us know future marriage topics that you would like to hear about.