Megan: 0:00

Our cars went up in the air and landed and basically we were all badly injured. So they started to save my life over and over again, even though they had no medical training, they just jumped in. If you're alive today, any person that's alive today, He means for you to be alive today.

Trisha: 0:21

Welcome to Seeds for Your Marriage, and I have here with me Megan Harter Adams. And she wrote an amazing book called Hope in the Darkest Hour. But first, I just have to say, when I met Megan, it was amazing because just the way that she looks at people, it's like she sees them through the eyes of love. And we had kind of an instant connection and we have daughters that are the same age. So I felt like we would just continue this relationship. So I'm so happy to have her on the show. So welcome Megan.

Megan: 0:53

Thank you. I felt the same too. I just I just feel a connection with you, so this is wonderful.

Trisha: 0:59

Yeah, so we'll just get right into it. So, your book, as I said, Hope in the Darkest Hour, is a memoir of the journey of your life after a fatal car accident where three of your friends died, and but you survived. And so, can you just explain a little bit about that?

Megan: 1:17

Yeah, so when I was, I, I decided to go to a Christian college out of high school and after I was at college for a semester, I wanted to understand God's love for me, you know, and I just, I gave my life to him and just, it was amazing.

Trisha: 1:35

Mm

Megan: 1:35

hmm. And he highlighted this trip that the college students go on to Ensenada, Mexico. And I felt like that was him saying, I want you to go and you're going to learn more about my love. And so I went on the trip and on our way to our work site, I was part of a team to build a new home for a family. And. on our way to our worksite, a car coming the other direction swerved to miss a semi pulling gas and flew into the air. And after hitting, the median and hit us head on, our cars went up in the air and landed. And basically we were all badly injured. We were in a caravan of cars. So it was other college students who are Pulling us out of the car and as two of the men were pulling me out, they noticed that I would stop breathing. And so they started to save my life over and over again, even though they had no medical training, they just jumped in. So that was amazing. When I got to the hospital, they didn't have any stored blood and I had internal bleeding. And so people started donating blood to me just straight from them to me. So that was another miracle that also they had the right blood types because I'm B positive and that's a rare, more rare blood type. It was an amazing journey. It was, it was really challenging. It took me about four months before I was able to walk. So I was bedridden. I had a head injury. It was, was the other main thing. major injury, but I had lots of other injuries too. So and unfortunately the two people that I was sitting in between were the ones, two of the ones who died and the driver. So that was a really challenging thing, but I had an amazing encounter with God. And during one of the times when I died, I got to spend time with him and it was incredible. It was the best experience I've ever had. I saw this silvery white light going past me and each drop had all the colors of the rainbow and more in them. And I felt so much love and peace and joy like I'd never felt before. I had no anxiety. I had no pain. It was amazing. It was the best that I've ever felt in my whole life, and God told me he had a plan for me, he was going to keep me alive, he wanted me to be a teacher, which I am, he wanted me to tell a lot of people about what happened to me, he wanted me to go back to Mexico again, and the last thing that happened was he told me it was time to go back, and I started to cry, I mean cry, like sob, and I was saying, No, I, you know, I don't want to go back. And I saw the most beautiful tears fall. I could never see God's face, but I knew he was right behind me, and I saw these two teardrops fall right next to me, and they each one had tears. My tears and the tears of every person suffering or away from God in them. And since then, I've never questioned God's mercy. Every day, God's mercy is all over the place. Anytime you see someone weeping, whether they've chosen to walk with the Lord or not, He's weeping with them. So, He's an amazing God. My airway was blocked, so they didn't have to do CPR, but they knew they had to adjust my head so that my airway would start to open. They also had to remove stuff out of my mouth so that I could breathe. I mean, these guys are my heroes because they just jumped in and did what many people couldn't do. And my lower jaw had been shattered, so they really were brave in doing this amazing thing. And yeah, they, they were starting to put me in the back of the ambulance after the ambulance finally got there and they needed, you know, they needed a lot of ambulances cause there were six total injured. And as they were putting me into the back of the ambulance, the driver was one of the people helping and then he got out. And went to go drive and there was not going to be anyone in the back with me And these two guys just jumped in and they saved my life over and over again. Wow. Yeah, so crazy Even crazy that they knew I was breathing when I was screaming So I can't imagine how difficult that must have been it's like hard to listen to someone who's really screaming But also they knew I was alive so, um Yeah, just incredible. Yeah. Yeah, and then I think the other thing that was incredible you said that the people were having you know Giving you blood on the spot. I remember a part in the story where you're talking about They didn't literally have enough blood and so they started going on the street just asking random people Do you have this blood type? Do you have that blood type and when the students started hearing about what happened They were rushing to the hospital so they could donate and one of the things I did notice, I was going to ask you about this, is you had mentioned that your mother told you before leaving, make sure you wear your seatbelt. And when you got in the car, you were in a spot in the car that there was no seatbelt. And your friend actually switched places with you. Yeah. She was Lisa just an amazing person, so full of God's love, and just, she was a senior, and she really took me under her wing, and she, I had told her before we left, I said, you know, my mom and dad are telling me I have to wear my seatbelt So when we got there and we got into the car, at first there was, you know, Alan, the driver, said, Yeah, there's no seatbelt there. And Lisa said, Well, we're gonna switch. And I said, No, it's gonna really be okay. And she said, No, I absolutely want to switch. And so we switched places. But She's not alive. And so, she, the script, one of the main scriptures, which is so incredible, that day that we studied our, had our devotionals is greater love has no man than this than he who lays down his life for his friends. And I felt like Lisa made that choice to put me ahead of her, you know? And though I'm sure she didn't realize that she would literally lay down her life that day, I'm certain that she would have chosen that again if she had the, the opportunity, because she just loved me so much.. Wow. Yeah. there's a scripture that talks about the angels encamp around us and keep us, keep us in our ways. And I just, just from the little moments of you describing everything that, you know, that you've described so far, I just keep picturing all these angels that were helping just to like, make sure that all the right people were in the right place You know, and that because of those angels and because of God that you are here Yeah, and and there's a purpose and there's a plan for your life. Yes. Every person whose heart is beating and their lungs are breathing every single one of us Is meant to be alive for right now for such a time as this. And so we are all precious in God's sight and he has a plan for everybody. I was actually supposed to go to the rehab hospital in Santa Clara, but my parents could see I wasn't getting enough sleep. And as soon as I would fall asleep, I would be awakened. I'd have to get my vital signs taken again. And, and so my mom and dad made this incredible decision to bring me home. And my mom was my full time nurse. My dad rented a hospital bed and he built a ramp up our four steps of the house. And they got a wheelchair, a reclining wheelchair. So also, I had to be reclining at a less than 35 degree angle for nearly four months. So I really was truly bedridden. Couldn't sit up really couldn't do much. But my parents were amazing. And being at home, smelling home smelling the food my mom was making, seeing our dog, seeing my brothers. They would come home from school and plop themselves on my bed and visit with me, tell me how their day was. And so it was just, it was so much better than being in the hospital for sure. Not everybody gets the chance to recover at home, but it was amazing. There was a day my mom, got a little, inflatable bathtub, but small so that My mom could wash my hair and it was great. It felt so good to get my hair washed because I couldn't get in a bathtub. So it was a washcloth bath every day. So this felt really luxurious to have water pouring over my head. And and it just encouraged me so much. I just felt so good afterwards. And one day I decided I wanted to put on makeup. And I thought, You know, that would feel really good. And, my mom had a very concerned look on her face and she's just sat on the edge of my bed and she said, Megan, you, you have scars on your face. I don't know if you know that they're going to heal. They look more bumpy right now and red, but they're going to heal. So I want you to think about if you want. To look today or, or whenever you're ready. And I said, I'm not ready today. And so she left the room and I. was able to think about this. I cried a little. Honestly, I didn't know what that was gonna mean. I, I had seen all the other scars on my body but I, I didn't realize that I had any on my face. So that was quite the process. But she was very sensitive to me and she knew just, it wasn't the right time to bring it up before that and she just waited till the right moment and so It was beautiful the way she loved me in that moment. Wow Well one of the comments that you said I'm going to quote you You said the next phase of life was about to wake me up to this vital need we all have To listen to what our souls need And I think no matter what we've gone through no matter what we're going through We do need to listen to our souls Can you explain a little bit about what that means to you? Yeah, it's really easy sometimes to bury the things that are uncomfortable. It's, easy to want to help other people feel good and just to smile and say it's all good. But I learned That was not the way for healing to happen in my soul. It wasn't the way to be, to have authenticity. And, unfortunately, I, I mean, I'm glad I learned this lesson, but, before that, I, really buried a lot of things and I buried sadness because I just wanted to show people that God was in this accident, that he did an amazing thing in me. And so I just wanted to be full of joy, but I neglected the emotional care that I still needed to go through. You know, grief is, is a roller coaster, I like to say, because there are times when you feel it very powerfully, and there are other times when it's not so powerful, but it's all like a process that you have to go through. And to deny that is not healthy. And what ended up happening for me it was like a whirling, swirling, I don't know what to call it, but it was like this time when all these things were coming kind of at me and one of the things was that my grandmother died and she was the first family member that had ever died that I, that I knew of. And so it kind of catapulted me into this place of weeping and I couldn't stop and it lasted for three days. And it was like the, the can was opened and I just had to let it out and feel it and ever since then I have tried to encourage people, you know, whatever you're going through, it's okay to feel it and to go through it. It's not going to last forever. No, it's not going to last forever. And of course it helps to be surrounded by people who love you and can encourage you and you don't want to get. You know, you don't want to get buried, but at the same time to not push things down because they will pop up when you get to your next event. And so it just taught me a lot about Authenticity and the importance of that and being real. I mean, the Psalms are full of David and others crying out to God and just being fully honest, like I am going to die and I'm not going to live and all these people are against me and just pouring their hearts out to God. And I just love that because. You know, he is the one who's really pushed me the most to be authentic, you know, not to try to lie to myself or lie to others that everything's okay when it's not, and, and then it just makes life so much easier, because you're not playing games, you're just being yourself. Who you are. That's so real. Yeah. Weeping us for the night Comes in, the joy comes in the morning. Yeah, that's right. And. And so that grief process, like you said, it is, it is necessary and it's necessary to be real with where you're at, what you're going through, because it's in those moments that you can talk to the Lord about it and He can help you process through that. Yeah, absolutely. And, and, you know, we sometimes tend to think also like just, okay, I have my professional life, and I have to be professional. Hard things happen in our professional lives, and the Lord wants to comfort us. He wants to help us process that, and it might be an emotional, you know, hardship that you need, that you can bring to Him. I mean, you don't have to, but you get to. He loves to comfort. He loves to be there. He wants to hear about it. He knows it, but he wants us to trust him with our stuff and to just weep with him and allow him to, to carry us and show us how much he loves us. It's, he's so amazing. He's definitely my best friend. I could not do life without him. Jesus is a brother, a best friend, a comforter, and everything, right? That's right. Absolutely. Yeah. And I just, because we're both moms, and I think this is just a really important point just to make about. Ensuring that we are taking care of ourselves, that we aren't lying to ourselves, that we, you know, are really getting the, that our soul, our mind, our will, and our emotions are getting the care that we need, whether it's, you know, Working with it with God or even from a friend or whatever but So often as moms, I think we try to take care of everybody else the kids You know everything the house the job whatever and we neglect ourselves and ourselves ourself comes last but we do have to remember ourself. We have to we do have to remember to 100 percent because actually it's so important to remember that God loves your child more than you do And he can do so much more than I can do for my daughter. And so, prayer is so, so, so important as a mom and as a parent. More important than so many other things because God can lead us. He gives us the right words to say at just the right timing. So, yeah, it's definitely a process, I think, as a parent to learn, like, hand your child over, let God take care of your child. They're, they're just on loan to you, you know. It's, He's got a plan for them. That's it. That far surpasses any plan that we could imagine for our child and so that's definitely helped me a lot. And, and to also know, like we're in the teenage years, so I call it push pull. Because sometimes there's a lot of, like, pushing away and then there's other times where it's like, oh, I need you. And not only do I need you, I need you right now. Like, I can't wait. And if you miss those opportunities, sometimes it stretches out and you won't feel, you know, that won't happen again for a little bit. So it's like being available at the right time and in the right moment. But I also think, for me, what I found is, is the times when she's pushing, that's a time for me just to really get tight with the Lord. Because it's really about what, what he's doing, not about what I can do in her life. So it's a great reminder, like, okay, she's not mine. I'm not gonna try to control her or get her to do what I want her to do. It's like, no, there's boundaries, and she's making her choices. And how much happier she's gonna be, and I'm gonna be, when she makes the choices. Not because she's forced to. Yeah. So. That's so powerful. So. You know, loving people where they're at, loving our children where they're at, and in those moments, like, allowing ourselves to be loved by God, and in that process, then it's His love that flows through us, and we're not trying to control or manipulate the situation. Yeah, that's so good. And you know I can say that at this point in my life, I I feel like I can look back on the accident and all that happened and I have greater understanding of how God worked it out, but there was a long time of not really understanding and not, and that was okay because it was part of my process of trusting God and also not to delve too deep into it because it can be you know, it's hard to think about three students. losing their life so young repeatedly, you know, to keep thinking about it repeatedly, which I'll just mention that when I was writing my book, which took me about seven years to do God in his infinite wisdom, he's so amazing. After I realized that I was supposed to start writing a book I had this confirmed like three times. So that was amazing. But when I started to write, I thought, okay, God, so Make it so that I don't have to teach right now, so I could just pour myself into this book, and then he didn't make that happen. He wanted me to teach, and I'll tell you what, it was amazing that I did, because I was so busy living life Monday through Friday as a teacher and as a mom. That I couldn't spend all my time thinking about this accident. It was only until Saturday mornings when I'd wake up and make myself wake up really early. I'd go to Starbucks and I'd sit there and I would work on my book and that was perfect. It took an extra long time for me to write my book, but honestly I couldn't have done it if I just had focused on it every day over and over again. So God, so. He's awesome. Truly. That's good. Yeah. And, and speaking of that, I mean, So the support from your husband, I'd like to tie in that, your husband supporting you, on the Saturdays, being away from home and, writing that book. You, mentioned to me how your husband is not yet committed to really following the Lord. But you are, and can you just share any insights or wisdom that you have around there? Because I know this is so common in so many relationships. Yeah. Yeah. So. I would say He's on a journey. We're all on a journey. And, it's a journey that God is working on in everyone's life, no matter who they are. He's trying to draw them closer to Him. So I, my husband's faith in God has grown so much, and he's not in the same place that I am, but he's definitely getting closer and closer to the Lord, and that's a whole long story, but I would say, yes, he is, he is such a wonderful person, and he knew that this accident had a really big impact on me, and he has wanted to support me, just like I support him, he likes to surf, he surfs a lot, and I like to support him in that, because that's his time when he gets rejuvenated, when he's out on the water, and he's like, He's getting great surf, and so he was very supportive, I mean, thankfully In some ways getting up very early was was what I needed to do because I could be really focused even if I wasn't even if I was tired and I would only permit myself to drink coffee on Saturday mornings, so it was like I had tea the rest of the time, but then I'd have my coffee and wow, that got me going and it was kind of my reward to being there and it was great because I could get home and I could still enjoy the weekend with And, so that was good. Um, did I answer your question? Yeah. Yeah. I, love How your perspective, again, going back to that encounter with God that you had where you just felt so much. You felt his presence, you felt his love, you saw the teardrops, like, I think so many times in our walk and in our relationship, whether we're both Christian or whatever the dynamics are we can kind of have a hardened heart towards our spouse. We can have some judgmental, well, you should be farther along or you should be this, you should be that. But I think that. Encounter that you have with God just softened your heart so much to the point where you just See people through his love, and you feel his love and his heart for them and so when you look at your husband you look at him Through the way that the father his father God looks. Yeah, I I definitely Do you feel so much mercy for people? I, I know that everybody is, is on their journey. Everyone has struggles. No one's outside of that, no matter who you are. And so that does for sure influence how I behave towards others and my ability to listen and, and to lend an ear and encouragement. So, God, God loved us while we were enemies. He died on the cross while we were enemies. And that in itself is so incredible because when I came to the Lord, there was a lot of mess in my life and he loved me in the midst of that. He was like, I love you, Megan. And so I think That's how he wants us to behave towards others. It's just that we love people. We see the good inside of them because there's always good inside of people and we can pull that out. If we do focus on the negative, then we're aligning with the enemy. That's not God. God wants us to call out the good that we see and encourage others. So I, I have. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for my family. And though my husband is not as strong in his relationship with God as, as I am I feel that it's, you know, whoever that is, that if you are able to pray for your family, you do it. And I think sometimes women who are in a relationship where the husband may not be as strong that they feel like, Oh, all is lost. Because he's supposed to be the head of the family, and he's supposed to pray over us. But I'll just say that we, the husband is still acting as the head of the family. It's Jesus who is the head. And as the wife, it's my, you know, honor and privilege and, and duty really to act as the head of the family and to pray over my family pray for what God says my family can be and align myself in my prayers with scripture And so it has been an amazing journey and so wonderful to watch the lord work in my husband's life and my daughter's life and just to bring fun and joy and Love into our lives. So he's definitely God's definitely working. So that's great. I love that I love how you said aligning your prayers with scripture. I mean, that's just so powerful when we can Again, be honest with where we're at with God, but then also find scripture on, okay, Gabba, what do you say about this situation and being able to pray that over it, like repeatedly praying that scripture over our children or spouse or our marriage or home, whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's so important and it's so fun, too. It's like The Bible is like a treasure chest, you know, you can keep you keep learning new things new words of ways to pray new New things that you you didn't see it quite that way the you know Hundred times that you read that scripture before but now all of a sudden it just pops. Yeah has revelation Yeah comes to life, you know a new way. Yeah Yeah, it's pretty amazing like like I think for those who are in a relationship with an unbelieving spouse, I mean, I'm blessed to have a believing spouse, but those who have an unbelieving spouse, it says that your spouse is sanctified because of your faith. What? That is so powerful. So powerful. So I think that's something that we can lift up to the Lord. Amen. My husband is sanctified, or my wife is sanctified, because I'm following you, Lord. That's amazing. So beautiful. I love that. All in our, all in our household are blessed. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, that's so great. Well, and I love how you mentioned earlier when we were talking earlier about how you found commonality with your husband. And one of that is just joy and laughter. Yes. And I, you know maybe I would say about a year ago, the Lord encouraged me to really focus on humor because my husband and I share a sense of humor. And so we've just had, we've had more fun in this last year of marriage than, than we've ever had because we're just laughing and focusing on that humor. And, and I recently was thinking, Oh, we, you know, it would be neat if, if my family, if we each took that, that assessment about love languages to understand like What love languages do each of us, like, how do we receive love best? And I thought, you know, that would be really cool for us to do that together. And so I was explaining it to my husband and telling him about it. And, and then he said, well, isn't one of them, isn't one of the love languages, humor, which I thought was really precious because it is, it is for us, like, laughing together, enjoying life together. And it's amazing. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. It can definitely help get perspective. We can be so stressed and so like. upset over something and then when we start laughing about something, it's like, wait a minute, that wasn't, it's not that big of a deal. Yeah, yeah, it's true. We can be so nitpicky. Well, I like it this way and I like it that way. I mean, marriage is, it's, you know, it's, and it, it, we're, we met at an older age, so we were kind of set in our, in our ways as adults, so we've kind of have our own ways of doing things. Now, you know, I'm okay if he wants to bring the wetsuit through the house over the carpet I've just vacuumed. A little more sand won't hurt, you know. Like, but I know that he loves to surf and so I'm happy to support him in it. But yes, humor is so important. Good. And, you know, God has the best sense of humor. He loves to tell me things, you know, to make me laugh, or just to remind me, like, not to take myself so seriously, because sometimes we just get so serious. It's, it's just like you said, we get so Oh, it's got to be a certain way. And he's like, no, just let me do my job. You do your job. I'll do mine. I got this. Yeah. That's really good. So well, I mean, we are starting to come to a close. Do you have any favorite scriptures that you tend to lean on in your life? Yes, I have two that I absolutely love.

The first is James 1: 33:03

17 that says that every good and perfect, perfect gift comes down from the father of lights in whom there is no shifting shadow or turning. So he is like, he's the rock and he is faithful and he just pours out blessings on us. I mean they're all over the place. There's so much grace on. everyone's life. And it's incredible. There's just so much to be thankful for. It might be just running water in your bathroom. That's amazing. Not everyone on the planet has that. That's true. And you know, there's just so many things. So that's a really big one for me is understanding all the good and perfect things that have come to me or coming to me and just thanking him for those. And. Being reminded that he's, those are from him, you know, so along with that is, is another one that I absolutely love, which is John 10:10 and that one is the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come to give abundant life, and those two scriptures, I feel, go really hand in hand, because, you know, As long as we know if, if, if there's something happening that's stealing, killing, or destroying, that's not from God. He also says, I can cause all things to work together for your good. And so that's how I look at my accident, is he caused everything to work together for my good, and I can't imagine living my life without that accident, like, I'm so thankful I got to participate in that, and it changed my life forever, I'm so thankful and I think that understanding that he has come to give Abundant Life, and he wants to show us, okay, and This is the abundant life I want to give you in this area, and I want to give you abundant life in that area. And he kind of highlights different things at different times. It's so wonderful how he, things are just orchestrated. It's like, we're all on the journey, we're all growing, we're all you know, at times we're going up a hill, and sometimes we're down in the valley, and sometimes we're on a plateau, and he, he's got it. And he's just growing us, so I have been enjoying finding abundant life in all the different areas of my life, including my family. That's awesome. I love that. So those are some of my favorite scriptures as well. Okay, great. Yeah. You're like, I know those. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. So, so how can people know about your book or learn about it? Okay. So I have a website. It's really simple, it's hopeinthedarkesthour. com, so you can find that online, and there you can find out about reviews for my book, you can find out more about my story, obviously I've shared a lot of it with you, but there are more stories in the book and I can also, let's see, you can also, you can find my book if you just wanna, you know, Go for it, you can just put in Hope in the Darkest Hour by Megan Harder Adams and you'll be able to find the book and just purchase it right there. That's awesome. So any last words of encouragement to couples with any wisdom, practical advice, anything? Just, I think, remembering always that God is at work. He's never done. His, his promises are true, that Jeremiah 2911, that. He has plans for your good and not for calamity and to give you a future and a hope. So as long as you keep that in your marriage, reminding yourself, there's always hope ahead. There's always something more that he wants to do and, and show you and bless you with. So those would be my, I guess my parting words. That's a good one. Yeah. And also one last thing I feel like. Some listeners out there might need to know is, what would you say to someone who is struggling with survivor's guilt? Hmm, really good. I think you can remember, let God be God and, and you're, you have your own lane as a human. So let him do his thing and you, you, you don't have to carry that, that burden. If you're alive today, any person that's alive today, he means for you to be alive today. So, if your heart's beating, and your lungs are breathing, you're supposed to be here, and it's not your job to figure out the past, or who's supposed to be here, or how it all works, just, you can trust him, he's got you, he's got this, he wants you to receive what, his love, he wants you to receive what he has for you, that he has good plans, so, that's my biggest advice. On the survivor's guilt. That's really good I actually just really want to say a quick prayer for any of those that may be listening And they've kept with us all the way to the end just a quick prayer on that And so father God if any of those people out there that might be struggling with survivor's guilt lord I just ask that you come in and encounter them in such a powerful way that they Experience your love like they've never experienced before And lord that we just Say this any of this guilt has to be removed off their shoulders now that it's not meant for them to carry So I just encourage you just to picture that guilt take it off your shoulders and just picture yourself Placing that in jesus's hands because it's for him to carry. It's not for you So I just brush you off and I just speak life over you.

And I say as Jeremiah 29: 39:19

11 that you do have a purpose and a plan that he has a purpose and a plan for your life and that it is good. And so I just, I just bless you and I bless that you are fully embraced knowing that you are loved and cherished by, by Papa God and that you are his child in Jesus name. Amen. Well Megan, thank you so much for being on this podcast. This has been a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right. Well Next time. Okay. All right. Sounds good